Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 2 – Episode XS

Cunningly titles Merrymind The buzzcocks (Its CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS)

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Jonathan Ross, Louise Wener
Sean Hughes (Captain), Noddy Holder, Boy George

Opening Joke: The pop quiz that says, “There’s no one quite like grandma” although Ginger Spice is catching up pretty quickly!

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Phill’s Team: -
Shakin Stevens “Don’t ?? me baby”
The Answer: – Shaking Stevens swings his microphone stand around, jumps over the piano player and pulls his guitarist down

Sean’s Team: -
The Drifters “Can I take you home little girl”
The Answer: – The lead singer chokes on the fake snow

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Sean’s Team: -
Paul McCartney “Wonderful Christmastime”
Johnny Mathis “When a child is born”
Mud “Lonely this Christmas”

Phill’s Team: -
Wham “Last Christmas”
Jona Louie “Stop the cavalry”
The Ronettes “Sleigh bell ride”

Connected

Sean’s Team: -
Annie Lennox & Shane McGown – both born on December 25th

Phill’s Team: -
Marc Bolan & Bing Crosby – David Bowie appeared on both their TV shows shortly before they died.

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: -
Stuart Tosh (Pilot)

Phill’s Team: -
Great Uncle Bulgaria (Wombles)

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 7
Sean: 14

Best Line: Phill: “The Welsh Elvis you said? So he comes from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio-uh huh uh huh uh huh”

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 9

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Lauren Laverne, Neil Hannon
Sean Hughes (Captain), Glenn Tilbrook, Mark Thomas

Opening Joke: The show that says, “Nights in white satin”, not one of King Arthurs best ideas.

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – The Pogues “Donegal Express”
Answer: – Shane McGown starts kicking the acordian player
Phill’s Team: – David Bowie “Blue Jeans”
Answer: – Another David Bowie falls through the ceiling and talks to another version of him

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Phill’s Team: -
Gary Glitter “Rock and Roll part 2″
Pulp “Common people”
Dire Straits “Money for nothing”
Iggy Pop “Lust for life”

Sean’s Team: -
George Harrison “My sweet lord”
Bruce Hornsby and the range “the way it is”
ABBA “Gimmie gimmie gimmie”
Fun Boy Three with Bananarama “It ain’t want you do its the way that you do it”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played) If you were under the impression that the Monkees biggest hit was “I’m a bulemic”, this ones for you.

Sean’s Team: – Michael Jean “Billie Jean”
Phill’s Team: – The Dickies “Banana Splits”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: – Buster Bloodvessel (Bad Manners)
Phill’s Team: – Lulu Oliver and Patti Hammond (Legs & Co)

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 21
Sean: 18

Best Line:  David Bowie’s acting hasn’t always engaged the audience. In Merry Christmas, Mr Lawerence, he had whole cinemas rooting for the Japanese.

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 8

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Adam Ant, Crispin Hunt
Sean Hughes (Captain), Jo Whiley, John Thomson

Opening Joke: The pop quiz that says, “If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady”, I’d double the estimate and bugger off with the work half done.

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – The stranglers “No Mercy”
Answer: – Hugh Cornwall comes out of Hugh Cornwall’s ear
Phill’s Team: – Robbie Nevil “Wots it to you”
Answer: – The cat dies, and then wears a grocho marx impression

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Phill’s Team: -
Peter Gabriel “Sledgehammer”
T Rex “Get it on”
Madonna “Papa don’t preach”
David Bowie “Ziggy Stardust”

Sean’s Team: -
Pig Bag “Papa’s got a brand new pig bag”
Status Quo “Roll over lay down”
The Kinks “Waterloo sunset”
The Beatles “Hard Days Night”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played) If you thought that Robert Palmer sang “You’re a dickhead to love” this ones for you

Phill’s Team: – Meatloaf & Cher “Dead Ringer for love”
Sean’s Team: – Manic Street Preachers “Kevin Carter”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: – Jess Stroud & Stuart Neal (Kajagoogoo)
Phill’s Team: – John Lennon & Paul McCartney (The Bandit Beatles)

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 16
Sean: 13

Best Line: Jimmy Nail featured in Evita, well it wouldn’t be a Madonna movie without at least one twat in it.

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 7

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Peter Hook, Clare Grogan
Sean Hughes (Captain), Ace, Alan Davies

Opening Joke: The pop that says “It only takes a minute girl” and for that I apologize.

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Phill’s Team:- Take That “How deep is your love?”
Answer: – The woman pushes Gary Barlow backwards
Sean’s Team: – Alice Cooper “Elected”
Answer: – The monkey lights the bands cigerettes

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Sean’s Team: -
Soft Cell “Tainted Love”
Carl Douglas “Kung fu Fighting”
Bee Gee’s “Staying Alive”
Elton John “Saturday nights alright for fighting”

Phill’s Team: -
Tears for Fears “Everybody wants to rule the world”
David Essex “I’m going to make you a star”
Thin Lizzy “Whiskey in the Jar”
Sex Pistols “Holidas in the sun”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played) If always thought that Paul McCartney recorded a song about an Irish garage called Mulligan’s Tyre’s, this ones for you.

Sean’s Team: – Labell “Lady Marmalade”
Phill’s Team: – Sparks “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: – Kelly Marie
Phill’s Team: – Stella Barker & Clare Hirst (Belle Stars)

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 16
Sean: 18

Best Line: Claire “Can I just point out that I was the pixie of pop”. Phill “And I am the Jabba the Hut of Jokes”

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 6

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Richie Wermerling, Jake Burns
Sean Hughes (Captain), Tony Wright, Bob Mills

Opening Joke: The pop quiz that says that deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball. Terrible juggler though!

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – Samantha Fox “Hurt me. Hurt me”
Answer: – Sam fox says “But the pants stay on”
Phill’s Team: – Morrisey “Suede Head”
Answer: – Morrisey plays bongos to a large herd of cows

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)
Sean’s Team:-
Abba “Money money money”
Madness “House of fun”
Quantum Jump “Lone Ranger”
(Only three shown)

Phill’s Team:-
ELO “Roll over Beethoven”
Lou Reed “Walk on the wild side”
Bon Jovi “Living on a prayer”
ELP “Fanfare for the common man”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played) If you thought that Whitney Houston sang “I’m shaving off my muff for you”, this ones for you!

Phill’s Team: – Nirvana “Smells like teen spirit”
Sean’s Team: – Roxy Music “Virginia Plain”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: – Les Lemess & Graham Jones (Haircut 100)
Phill’s Team: – Robin Scott (M)

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 16
Sean: 17

Best Line: Lou Reed suffered from depression and had eight weeks of electric shock treatment. When it was over he released Lou Reed unplugged

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 5

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Jonathan Ross, Martin Rossiter
Sean Hughes (Captain), Marcella Detroit, Nick Heyward

Opening Joke: The pop show that say “The Lady In Red”, not as shagable as the nanny obviously.

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – Dave Lee Roth “Just a Gigalo”
Answer: – Dave Lee Roth electricutes Billy Idol
Phill’s Team: – The Style Council “Jeruselum”
Answer: – The woman giving the speech is a black queen impersonator

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Sean’s Team: -
Dexy’s Midnight Runners “Geno”
Stevie Wonder “Isn’t she lovely”
Queen with David Bowie “Under Pressure”
Oasis – “Roll with it”

Phill’s Team: -
David Bowie “Rebel Rebel”
Adam and the Ants “Goodie Two Shoes”
Blur “Country House”
Pet Shop Boys “West end girls”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played)

Sean’s Team: – Rolling Stones “Brown Sugar”
Phill’s Team: – Napalm Death “Scum”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Phill’s Team: – Rick Driscoll (Kenny)
Sean’s Team: – Ray Dorset (Mungo Jerry)

Dance Hell (watch dance routine by Pan’s people or Legs & Co without music and guess the song)

Sean’s Team: – Rose Royce “Car Wash”
Phill’s Team: – Boris and the Crypt Kickers “Monster Mash”

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 9
Sean: 22

Best Line: Pet Shop Boys are said to get their name from a bizarre sexual act involving hamsters. I can’t tell you about it but you’ll know it if you see by the tell tale bulging cheeks.

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 4

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Sarah Cracknell, Billy Bragg
Sean Hughes (Captain), Suggs, Jeff Green

Opening Joke: Welcome to the show that says “Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you”. My name is Keith Chegwin and I’m an alcoholic.

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – Aerosmith “Living on the edge”
Answer: – A green man jumps out of Steven Tyler
Phill’s Team: – Chris Eubank doing the Top of the Pops countdown.
Answer: – He tries to say “At Six, Suggs with Cecilia

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Sean’s Team: -
Free “Alright now”
Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus “We all stand together”
Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen “Theme from Mission Impossible”
Mud “Tiger Feet”

Phill’s Team: -
The Eurythmics “There must be an angel (playing with my hear)”
Elton John & Kiki Dee “Don’t go breaking my heart”
The Specials “Ghost town”
The Prodigy “Firestarter”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played)

Sean’s Team: – Kate Bush “Wuthering Heights”
Phill’s Team: – Chicory Tip “Son of my father”

Identity Parade (spot the artist in question in a line up)

Sean’s Team: – Alan Williams (Rubettes)
Phill’s Team: – Peter Hooson (Chicory Tip)

The Mars bar round
Sean’s Team: – Pink Floyd  – Pigs Knackers
Phill’s Team: – Chuck Berry – Ladies toilet

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Final Scores:

Phill: 21
Sean: 16

Best Line: Other German hits include “Ho Ho Silver Lining”, “Goering Underground” and “Is she really going out with Himmler”

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 3

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Andy McCluskey, David McAlmont
Sean Hughes (Captain), Martin Chambers, Bob Mortimer

Opening Joke: The pop quiz that says “Papa was a rolling stone”, and mama’s still at school”

Games Played:

Freeze Frame (video shown then stopped and the team has to guess what happens next)

Sean’s Team: – Duran Duran “Wild Boys”
Answer: – A Monster appears

Phill’s Team: – Rolling Stones “Satisfaction (Live)”
Answer: – Keith Richards uses his guitar to hit a fan on the stage

Intros Round (A guest and a captin must create the intro of songs without using words)

Phill’s Team: -
The Clash “Should I stay or should I go?”
Issac Hayes “Shaft”
Jimi Hendrix “Purple Haze”
Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Two Tribes”

Sean’s Team: -
Tubeway Army “Are friends electric”
The Who “Pinball Wizard”
Pink Floyd “Money”
The Cure “Love Cats”

Indecipherable Lyrics (guess the lyrics of the song played)

Sean’s Team: – Dexy’s Midnight Runners “Gino”
Phill’s Team: – The Cult “She Sells Sanctuary”

Just One Sentence (One guest must some up a song in one sentence)

Sean’s Team: -
Ain’t gonna bump no more (with no big fat woman) – Joe Tex
Hit me with your rhythm stick – Ian Dury and the blockheads
Wannbe – Spice Girls
Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby

Phill’s Team: -
I want to hold your hand – The Beatles
You’re gorgeous – Baby Bird
The Wombling Song – The Wombles
YMCA – Village People

Dance Hell (watch dance routine by Pan’s people or Legs & Co without music and guess the song)

Sean’s Team: – Hands Up – Ottawan
Phill’s Team: – Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft – The Carpenters

Next Lines (teams have to say the next line of the song)

Phill’s Team:

Final Scores:

Phill: 32
Sean: 20

Best Line: LaMarr:I think I am having a stroke. Mortimer: Not now!

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 2

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Cathy Dennis, Ashley Slater
Sean Hughes (Captain), Shovell, Graham Norton

Opening Joke: The pop quiz that say “He ain’t heavy”, thats just water retention.

Games Played:

Phill’s Team:

Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

The Answer: – A choirboy flies towards the camera

Sean’s Team:

King Missile’s “Detachable Penis”

The Answer: – He reattaches his detachable penis

Sean’s Team:

Marvin Gaye “Heard it through the grapevine”
REM “Shiny Happy People”
The Sweet “Blockbuster”
Stereo MC’s “Step it Up”

Phill’s Team:

New Order “Blue Monday”
The Osmonds “Crazy Horses”
Bjork “Its oh so quiet”
Madonna “Material Girl”

Sean’s Team:

The Jacksons “Rocking Robin”

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bob and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriole

Phill’s Team:

Ten Pole Tudor “Swords of a thousand men”

Deep in the castle and back from the wars
Back with my lady and the fires burned tall
Hoorah went the men down below
All outside was the rain and snow
Hear their shout, hear their roar
They’ve probably had a barrel of ale and much, much more
Hoorah, Hoorah, Hoorah, Yea
Over the hill went the swords of a thousand men

Phill’s Team:

Dennis Seaton (Musical Youth)

Sean’s Team:

Dave Bartram & Rod Deas (Showaddywaddy)

Sean’s Team:

Dennis Rouso – Ayatollah Khomeini

Phill’s Team:

Dexy’s Midnight Runners – Darts

Sean’s Team:

“No Woman” – “No Cry” – Bob Marley and the Wailers “No Woman no cry”

“You fill up my senses” – “Like a night in the forest” – John Denver “Annies song”

“No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no” – “There’s no limit” – 2 Unlimited “No Limits”

“You’re gorgeous, I’d do anything for you” – “Because you’re gorgeous” – Baby Bird “You’re Gorgeous”

“She ain’t no witch” – “I love the way she twitch” – T Rex “Hot Love”

“Is that the trees a rustling or the hinges or the gate” – “Or Ernies ghostly goldtops rattling in their crate” – Benny Hill “Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west”

“I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name” – “It felt good to be out of the rain” – America “Horse with no name”

“Little Willy will he won’t go home” – “And you can’t push Willy where Willy won’t go” – The Sweet “Little Willy”

“Been spending most our lives” – “Living in a gangsters paradise” – Coolio “Gangsters Paradise”

“The only boy who could ever teach me” – “Was the son of a preacher man” – Dusty Springfield “Son of a preacher man”

Phill’s Team:

“Music was my first love” – “And it will be my last” – John Miles “Music”

“It only takes a minute girl” – “To fall in love” – Take That “It only takes a minute”

“Strumming my fate with his fingers” – “Singing my life with his words” – Lynn Anderson “Killing me softly”

“Its only words” – “and words are all I have to take your heart away” – Bee Gees “Its only words”

“And they call it puppy love” – “Just because we’re in our teens” – Donny Osmond “Puppy Love”

“I’m moving on up” – “moving on out” – M People “Moving on up”

“I said what about breakfast at Tiffanys” – “She said, I think I remember that film” – Deep Blue Something “Breakfast at Tiffanys”

“They did the mash” – “They did the monster mash” – Bobby Pickett and the Crypt Kickers “Monster Mash”

“Ashes to ashes, funk to funky” – “We know Major Tom’s a junkie” – David Bowie “Ashes to Ashes”

“I would go out tonight” – “but I haven’t got a stitch to wear” – The Smiths “Charming Man”

“My lucky numbers two” – “Ah Oh Ah Oh” – Lena Lovich “My lucky number”

“Even though you sell your soul your conscience will be mine all mine” – “Da diddley qa qa da diddley qa qa” – Adam and the Ants “Stand and Deliver”

“The ones that ain’t good looking” – “They’re the ones that do the best cooking” – Moments and Whatnots “Girls”

Final Scores:

Phill: 16
Sean: 11

Best Line: Any featuring the words “Detachable Penis”

Nevermind The Buzzcocks – Series 1 – Episode 1

Mark Lamarr (Host)
Phill Jupitus (Captain), Donna McPhail , Bruce Dickinson
Sean Hughes (Captain), Richard Fairbrass, Math Priest

First episode of a show that is currently on its 21st series.

Opening Joke: Welcome to the show that says, “Hey Mister Tambourine Man. What first attracted you to the salvation army?”

Games Played:

Sean’s Team:

Prefab Sprout’s “King of Rock and Roll”

The Answer: – Dancing hot dogs

Phill’s Team:

Rolling Stone’s “She Was Hot”

The Answer: – The model farts fire

Phill’s Team:

Abba “Dancing Queen”
Status Quo “Down Down”
The Four Tops “Reach Out”
Happy Mondays “Step On”

Sean’s Team:

Gerry Rafferty “Baker Street”
Blur “Park Life”
Gary Glitter “I love you love me love you”
The Smiths “How soon is now”

Phill’s Team:

Elvis Costello “Pump it up”

I’ve been on tenterhooks
ending in dirty looks,
list’ning to the Muzak,
thinking ’bout this ‘n’ that.
She said that’s that.
I don’t wanna chitter-chat.
Turn it down a little bit
or turn it down flat.

Sean’s Team:

Earth,Wind and Fire “Boogie Wonderland”

Dance boogie wonderland
Midnight creeps so slowly into hearts,
Of men who need more than they get
Daylight deals a bad hand,
To a woman that has laid to many bets

Phill’s Team:

Jerry Shepherd & Peter Phipps – Members of the Glitter Band

Sean’s Team:

Paul Hardcastle

Sean’s Team:

Bee Gee’s “Tragedy”

Phill’s Team:

The Clash “Bank Robber”

Sean’s Team:

“Giant steps are what you take” – “Walking on the moon” – Police “Walking on the moon”

“The history book on the shelf” – “Is always repeating itself” – ABBA “Waterloo”

“Why don’t you all” – “Fade away” – The Who “My Generation”

“That’s neat, that’s neat, that’s neat, that’s neat” – “I really love your tiger feet” – Mud “Tiger feet”

“Don’t know much about a science book” – “Don’t know much about the french I took” – Sam Cooke “Wonderful World”

“We don’t have to take our clothes off” -”To have a good time” – Jermaine Stewart “We don’t have to take our clothes off”

“Planet Earth is blue” – “And there is nothing we can do” – David Bowie – “Space Oddity”

“Grandma we love you” – “Grandma we do” – St. Winifrids School Choir

“Bring your daughter” – “To the slaughter” – Iron Maiden “Bring your daughter to the slaughter”

“Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me” – “Twice on the pipe if the answer is no” – Tony Orlando & Dawn “Knock Three Times”

“Slowly walking down the hall” – “Faster than a cannonball” – Oasis “Champagne Supernova”

“Just too good to be true” – “Can’t take my eyes off of you” – Frankie Valli “Can’t take your eyes off you”

“You look like heaven to touch” -”I want to hold you too much” – Frankie Valli “Can’t take your eyes off you”

“You see me in my pants and ting” – “See me in my alter back” – Althea & Donna “Uptown Top Ranking”

“Everytime you go away” -”You take a bit of me with you” – Paul Young “Everytime you go away”

Phill’s Team:

“Thunderbolt and lightning” – “very very frightening” – Queen “Bohemian Rhapsody”

“They call me Mr fantastic” – “Mr Boombastic” – Shaggy “Mr Boombastic”

“Thats the way, a ha, a ha” – “I like it a ha” – KC and the Sunshine Band “Thats the way (I like it)”

“If you want to be my lover” – “You gotta get with my friends” – Spice Girls “Wannabe”

“From Soho down to Brighton”  – “I must have played them all” – The Who “Pinball Wizard”

“You can tell by the way I use my walk” – “Im a womans man, no time to talk” – Bee Gees “Staying Alive”

“Where are we all coming from” – “From Smurfland where we belong” – Father Abraham & The Smurfs “The Smurf Song”

“War” – “HUH” – Edwin Starr “War”

“Hey fatty boom boom” – “Sweet Sugar Dumplings” – Carl Malcolm “Hey Fatty boom boom”

“Sign your name across my heart” – “I want you to be my baby” – Terence Trent DArby “Sign your name”

“Come on baby lets start anew” – “Because breaking up is hard to do” – The Partridge Family “Breaking up is hard to do”

“Love in an elevator” – “Living it up as we`re going down” – Aerosmith “Love in an elevator”

“Deeply Dippy, I`m your superman” – “You`re my Lois Lane” – Right Said Fred “Deeply Dippy”

“They say that cat Shaft is a bad mother” – “Shut your mouth” – Isaac Hayes “Shaft”

“She`s a long legged woman dressed in black” – “Dressed in black, dressed in black, dressed in black, black, black” – Mungo Jerry “Long legged woman dressed in black”

“He lives in a house” – “A very nice house in the country” – Blur “Country House”

“Thats me in the corner” – “Thats me in the spotlight” – R.E.M. “Losing my religion”

Final Scores:

Phill: 23
Sean: 25

Best Line: Phill “What is that Wookie Hole? I never saw that version of Star Wars”